I hope this match report finds you in good health. I am sharing a report of a beautiful moment of cricket that occurred on May 1st.
Plough Blue vs London Knights, a match promising, solid cricket, below average chat and a succulent match tea.
Plough Blue consisted of eleven good looking gentleman, who are all allegedly above 6 foot tall (according to their tinder profiles), who made their way to the mystical land of Greenwich. Upon arriving to the ground, all players immediately embarked on a quest to determine where the wicket was located. Fair to say the wicket was fairly green as it was only identified after utilising Artificial Intelligence machinery.
‘The ball may swing’ was the conclusion drawn.
Captain, hero, legend – Simon Carson won the toss and elected to bowl first. No doubt the decision centred on the fact he could enjoy the match teas in the interval.
Hockings and Archie opened the bowling and started off with a fine demonstration of pace and control. After 10 overs, London Knights were 22-1 and consequently had a long way to go in order to post a competitive score. Giordy and Sean bowled well in tandem and were unlucky to go unrewarded, London Knights eventually created momentum and ended the halfway mark at 80-1.
The drinks break should be rebranded the cigarette break, after the Plough smoked down a chimney – they resumed and found London Knights had realised that the format was not test cricket. Tisato (club analyst) brought back control with a beautiful display of pace. Despite a solid bowling effort from Monaco’s finest (Baz) and some intended pies from AJ Prasad (the only AJ in the club) – London Knights ended on 225-3 after 40 overs.
The tea break is a moment of; unity, reflection and occasionally questionable antics as witnessed during the game. The tea’s were outsourced to Papa John’s, unfortunately the driver could not find the cricket ground which left London Knights and Plough Blue to consider withdrawing from the game and retiring to the nearest pub. Heroically the driver found his way to allow 22 very keen but hungry cricketers to enjoy the tea’s they rightfully deserve.
Unfortunately the lunch delay allowed time for Giordy and Hockings to discuss their OnlyFans preferences – the full conversation is too disturbing to discuss in this match report.
Plough Blue went out to bat on what became a gloomy afternoon, Cake (20) and Baz (30) opening – Plough reached 50 without loss in no time. London Knights managed to find some extra movement with the ball which started a rather unfortunate Plough collapse.
Notable mentions of 30 from Baz and 10 from Sean (after many years away from the game). Plough ended on a rather disappointing 124 all out. AJ was unfortunately triggered by the umpire – normally this wouldn’t make it into the match report but I want this on record.
Whilst this was not the result Plough were looking for, the game was conducted in good spirit and banter. London Knights were the worthy victors but hopefully we can beat them next time.
This is also a good time to acknowledge the sheer brilliance of the fact that we can put out 5 very competitive teams on the weekend!
Interim Head of Off Spin