And so we were treated to the last day of Saturday cricket in the Plough’s super summer. It was a perfect day for cricket, and a fitting bonus to have all three teams playing at the DSG. It did not go unnoticed that the 3rd XI that made its way over to the Hollies was outrageously strong—not a single team member would have looked out of place in either of the other two XIs that had been put out on the day.

The opposition that would have to counter this selection for our final outing of Saturday cricket was Itinerants CC. I have never heard of Itinerants CC, but I did notice that they have one of the best crests I have ever seen—a roundel design featuring a pink fish, possibly a beluga sturgeon, coiled around a hunting post horn. Their motto is “Magnus Piscis Ille Non Est,” which translates as “He is not a big fish” (no, me neither), and their joining message on play-cricket states: “A love of P.G. Wodehouse and extravagant contributions to the tea spread are more important than ability. Bribes welcomed.”—all of which I can very much get behind.

Our illustrious and dear leader, Ajit Prasad, looked hungry and determined as he went out to toss and promptly brought home the first proverbial victory bacon of the day by winning said toss and electing to bat. This was followed by a deeply passionate speech to raise the energy levels, paying tribute to our departing legends Hari Vignesh and Carl Viberg.

As is apparently tradition in a last game, it would be Viberg himself that would lead us out with the bat, accompanied by Michael Ainslie. Viberg battled bravely against one very tricky opening bowler and was nearly robbed of his nicely flicked boundary after a fielder failed to report that he had in fact picked up the ball about a metre behind the boundary flag, complaining that he had been surprised by the “curvature” of the boundary. After surviving two early appeals, he eventually succumbed for 7 runs to a catch, as did Ainslie a few overs later.

At this point, Itinerants looked to apply some pressure to the new batters, including an instruction to take a few paces in to new batter… Nealon Francois (you already know how this ended up). The reality is that following the second wicket, our batters took the game away from Itinerants. They could bowl to Angus Osbourne and be subjected to his cover drives, late cuts, and flicks off the legs, or to either Nealon ‘CHAMPIONBOSS™️’ Francois (66 from 46), and spend half their time picking the ball out of some bushes, or Leo ‘Canelo’ Connelly, who himself did not miss any opportunity to add his own mark to the score, with a brisk 63 of his own. There was even space at the end for a brutal 15 runs (from 6 deliveries) for our skipper Prasad on our way to a huge 328 from just 40 overs.

Throughout our game, we were conscious of some of the drama around us, especially as the 2nd XI tore through their opposition, with every wicket noted and celebrated on the Hollies. Equally, we were aware that things were not necessarily going to plan during the batting. As Vibes and your correspondent plugged away at the opposition, we became more and more aware of voracious celebrations from the Epic CC team and support. Was this not meant to be the day we all hoped for?

The Itinerant batters were doing a reasonable job of building a base before one of them holed out to safehands GloryMole himself at mid-off, which precipitated firstly a bowling change to Tom Lonnen, and in turn him taking the opportunity to rip through the middle order via 3 catches—two to Connelly, and one to Ajit—both keen to avoid being stared dead or having a bat thrown at their head (or perhaps both), and one bowled. Damon Greeney, accurate as ever, made his mark with two wickets of his own, as did ElmoGloryMole2000™️, who also very kindly varied his length to suck an extent that the Itinerant natters might have fleetingly believed they could turn their innings into a run chase.

By this point, Itinerants needed over 2 runs an over and were running out of batters. Their opener looked pretty set at one point but was unable to up the rate as required, before falling to Elmo, most likely deeply unsettled by Britto appearing from the bushes and telling him to “try and play that scoop again, big man.” Our attention again turned to what was going on at Bel Air. “They’re 110-7,” I said. “I can’t believe you can read that from here,” someone replied. “He’s an elf!” said Vibes, following shortly after with, “Tell us what your Legolas eyes see.” I always fancied myself as more of a Fëanor to be honest, forging jewels of immeasurable value, imbued with my own soul and the light of trees that would result in mass murder and be fought over for many years, just for the hell of it, but I will take Legolas. “110-8 now,” I said, as I popped my Mithril collar, followed by, “I think they’re f*cking this up.”

I can’t actually remember what happened in our own game during this period, as I was unofficially appointed commentator as I witnessed Callum and Aman 2s claw back victory from the jaws of defeat. An especially entertaining moment was Cal, having clearly very conservatively put the 2s back to within a run of victory, trying to mow the last ball over the bowler’s head (he missed). Anyway, Aman did the job, and we did our best to make our celebrations heard from the Hollies.

As the sun started to set and pour through the leaves of the trees at the Hollies, in much the same way it must have done from the two mighty Trees of Valinor from whence the Silmarils were created, we were gratefully joined by our very own fellowship of the Plough to watch the denouement and cue the celebrations. Who would take the final wicket, we wondered? One person to this point hadn’t made a mark on the game. Had the skipper forgotten about him? Had this man posted a vicious meme about Ajit on Reddit during the week? Who knows. What matters is that none other than Mr. Hari Batman Vignesh was more than happy to give the game the ending it deserved, with a frankly chaotic 7-ball spell, which provided the opposition with no fewer than 18 runs, but also crucially brought our final wicket.

Yes… he did indeed do the Ronaldo celebration. I guess it’s forgivable in the circumstances. The party had started. The rest of the night, as they say, is history (and also my excuse for submitting this report over 3 days late). Up the Plough, and see you all next season, or nets, or dinner, or whatever. Peace and out.

Match report from John Walton